Thoughts

Well, I thought some part of me would enjoy going back to work. I love to be busy and I love working in the ER where you get to take care of such a variety of things. I like being there and I like using my skills again, but I am sad the whole time I'm there. Although it's fun, it's not nearly as fulfilling as being Isaac's mama. I thought I'd love having the instant gratification that being a nurse brings since I can see the difference I'm making easier than seeing what a difference what I do at home is making. But the whole time at work, I just yearn to be with Isaac. It feels a lot like having a long distance relationship with Johnny felt like. While we were apart, my body ached to be held by Johnny and be close to him. When I'm at work, my body aches to hold Isaac and have him play with my hair and lay his head on my cheek. He's just the sweetest little boy. Although this is hard and is only going to get harder as Johnny and I get less and less sleep, it is making me appreciate being with Isaac so much more. If I do get to stay home, which I hope to in only a few short months, I hope I remember this and truly appreciate the time I get with my children.